The 5-Minute Bedtime Ritual Helping Us Feel Like a Team Again
We were missing one of our most important connection points.
Every.
Single.
Day. 🫣
Larissa and I weren’t fighting constantly or facing some dramatic relationship crisis.
We were simply tired parents moving through different schedules—and slowly feeling the effects of not pausing together at the end of the day.
Why bedtime connection wasn’t happening
I’m a night owl. 🦉
I recharge when I’m alone, my productivity peaks at night and I love a good sleep-in.
Larissa is almost the exact opposite. She’d rather start early, be around people and somehow begin the day with energy and enthusiasm—without coffee. 🤯
Add a six-month-old baby who was waking throughout the night, and going to bed together simply wasn’t realistic for us in that season.
But we were feeling the disconnection.
We were more frustrated with each other.
Our tempers were shorter.
We were laughing and joking less.
So we decided to make one small change.
Our five-minute bedtime ritual
Instead of insisting that we go to sleep at the same time, we created a moment of connection before one of us went to bed.
Larissa would say:
“I’m off to bed, Jez.”
And I would stop what I was doing.
For a few minutes, we would:
- have a cuddle;
- talk about the day;
- pray together;
- share something we were grateful for; and
- actually say goodnight with our full attention.
That was it.
No elaborate routine.
No forced one-hour conversation when both of us were exhausted.
Just a deliberate pause that said, “We’re still in this together.”
Why flexibility matters for parents
Connection advice can sound lovely until it collides with feeding schedules, sick kids, shift work, deadlines and two people with different body clocks.
If going to bed together works for you, brilliant.
If it doesn’t right now, the ritual still can.
The goal isn’t to copy another couple’s schedule. It’s to protect a small, dependable point of closeness inside the life you actually have.
Harvard Health offers similar practical advice for couples who sleep at different times or in separate spaces: deliberately schedule time to cuddle, talk or share meaningful details before sleep. Read the guidance here.
Try it tonight
When one of you is ready for bed, put down the phone or pause the task.
Give each other five minutes.
Ask:
- What was the hardest part of today?
- What made you smile?
- What are you grateful for right now?
Some nights you’ll have a deep conversation.
Some nights you’ll barely manage a cuddle and “I love you”.
Both still count. ❤️
And if you want more easy ways to reconnect in the midst of parenting, our Date Night Diary was created for exactly that season.
Cheering you on!
Jeremy Jones
Dad Certified
Adapted from an update originally shared with Dad Certified subscribers on 29 January 2025.